No friends.....:-(
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Letterbomb, Green Day
Well, yeah. I've decided not to hold back on Tripod, since no one reads these anyways.

I don't have any friends. I don't have anyone(besides Nathan)that I can trust completely , I dont have anyone ever confide in me, no one's ever that interested in what I have to say, and quite frankly I get the feeling no one wants to be around me a lot of the time.
What did I do? What's so friggin wrong with me that I can't have good, true friends? Gosh, I think about this every day and every frickin day I have some emotional crisis over it and go into some depressive mood. Marki hasn't really talked to me like, all week. She said she wanted to fix it, and that we'd talk, but then she does nothing and just refuses to talk to me altogether. I wanna be her friend, but I'm not sure if it would work, since we've both been through a lot of changes. But I can't help remembering what it was like when we were close and I actually believed that she could be there for me whenever I need it. Alicia...I can tell that Alicia sometimes doesn't want me to know stuff, and Brittany's just never really interested in me. Jordan is really the only person that wants to be close to me, and no offence, but she can get kind of annoying, and I don't really see eye to eye with her on much. I'm not going to not be her friend, because I really do like her, but I don't think she could be a very good friend to me.
I think this goes along with my whole trust thing. But people don't realize how hard it is to trust people when you yourself have seen how easily they can be fooled. Who's to say that I won't be fooled as easily as they were? I have no way of knowing, so I don't really trust anyone completely, even Nathan. I know that's not fair to him, but I can't help it. I just can't put all my trust in any one thing. I feel like a bad person sometimes because I can't really trust God....and I would love to just shove everything over to him and say: "Here, fix me."
But I can't, because I'm a freaking liar with no friends.

Quiz Thinger
Mood:  flirty
Yeah, I'm super bored.
Your gender: female
Straight/Gay/Bi: straight
Single?: nope
If not, do you want to be? nope
Birth date: February 27th
Your age: 15
Age you act: I might act my age once in a while....
Age you look: no idea
Age you wish you were: I'm pretty happy with my age
Your height: 5 like...5 or 6 maybe?
Eye color: brown
Happy with it?: it's okay
Hair color: dark brown
Happy with it?: Not really
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: righty
Your living arrangement: parents
Your family: Mom and dad
Have any pets?: 3 dogs, 3 cats and a fish
Whats your job?: I'm too lazy and young to work
Piercings?: ears
Tattoos?: none
Obsessions?: shoes, internet
Addictions?: Dr.Pepper
Do you speak another language?: Haha, no
Have a favorite quote?: I have a lot
Do you have a webpage?: yep
Do you live in the moment?: I'm not entirely sure what that means
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: I try to be
Do you have any secrets?: way more than one person needs
Do you hate yourself?: no
Do you have any bad habits?: biting my lip
What is the compliment you get from most people?: I dont know
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: uh, the most boring movie ever.
What's your biggest fear?: being alone or plants
Can you sing?: not at all
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: NO
Are you a loner?: not really
What are your #1 priorities in life?: school, band, dance, taking care of myself
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: I guess
Are you a daredevil?: not really. I try things I know I'm not capable of doing and usually hurt myself somehow, but thats only in dance class. But it still hurts a lot.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: I fear me, because I'm extremely intimidating. ROAR
Are you passive or aggressive?: probably passive
Do you have a journal?: yep
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: I dont know my strength, my weakness...I'm not too sure about that one either
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: I wouldn't be so skinny
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: a lot
Do you think life has been good so far?: Yeah
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: I'm not sure
What do you like the most about your body?: my legs
And least?: my feet
Do you think you are good looking?: i dont know, not really
Are you confident?: yes
What is the fictional character you are most like?: I don't know, but I love Ron Weasley.
Are you perceived wrongly?: What the crap?
Do You...
Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Read the newspaper?: I look at the pictures and stuff....
Pray?: yes
Go to church?: yes
Talk to strangers who IM you?: no
Sleep with stuffed animals?: yesss
Take walks in the rain?: Yeah
Talk to people even though you hate them?: Yeah, sometimes I have to
Drive?: Haha, you trust me?
Like to drive fast?: I'm sure I would
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?: No
Hurt yourself?: I guess
Been out of the country?: not really
Eaten something that made other people sick?: yeah
Been in love?: yeah
Done drugs?: no
Gone skinny dipping?: ....you decide
Had a medical emergency?: I'm not sure
Had surgery?: yeah
Ran away from home?: I think i tried once...
Played strip poker?:no
Gotten beaten up?: no
Beaten someone up?: no
Been picked on?: yeah
Been on stage?: yes
Slept outdoors?: yes
Thought about suicide?: not really
Pulled an all nighter?: yeah
If yes, what is your record?: The entire 30 hour famine plus the day at school so like, 35 or 36 hours?
Gone one day without food?: yeah- like 30 some hours
Talked on the phone all night?: yes
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: no
Slept all day?: no
Killed someone?: no
Made out with a stranger?: no
Had sex with a stranger?: no
Thought you're going crazy?: ALL THE TIME
Kissed the same sex?: no
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: I held hands with Alicia once....but we were just being stupid
Been betrayed?: yeah
Had a dream that came true?: not really
Broken the law?: Um...
Met a famous person?: sorta famous
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: no but Marc has:-P
On purpose?: no
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: no
Stolen anything?: no
Been on radio/tv?: yep
Been in a mosh-pit?: No
Had a nervous breakdown?: yeah
Bungee jumped?: No, but I want to
Had a dream that kept coming back?: yes- I hate those!
Well....yeah.
<3 you Nathan

Random
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: I Love My Lips, Veggie Rocks!

Hehe...they are so cool.

March 8, 2005
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Zee Deveel, Incubus

Well, my short story for English is definately due Monday....

What am I going to write about?

Today we had the trip thinger for the Jazz band to go watch Marshall's Jazz band. It was purty neat. (Oh my goodness I sound like a hick.) Well, yeah. On the bus on the way there Alicia and Lindsay and I were all singing Veggie Tales songs. And while we were there tons of funny stuff happened. Like...Marki and I waving at each other and people we didn't know, random mindless clapping, super dedouper loud trumpets and trombone players, not being introduced, and Alicia's thoughts about college at Marshall:
(someone said something about what students do in their spare time.)
Alicia: they do their boyfriends
Me: what if they're guys?
Alicia They do their boyfriends!
Yeah, I definately gotta love that kid. On the way back....oh my gosh we were SOOOOO hyper.

It was a blast

Mood:  irritated
Well, yeah. I'm not entirly sure I'll use this blog very often. Xanga will still be my main one, but I might use this one every now and then. So today I got a new prom dress. I absolutely love it! It's purple and really freaking pretty. I love it so much. That's about it. It's all kinda bland today. Mj